Arriving in America at the age of 22 to volunteer at The Option Institute I was ecstatic and a little scared. I was going to learn how to make my life better by choosing new beliefs and I was HERE for it.
This was the first time I was surrounded by Americans. Spiritual, self-helpey Americans at that!
I was in heaven, I finally felt like my personality type belonged. I could talk about angels, energies, miracles, God, Jesus, healing, and beyond and no one would bat an eye.
Back in Sweden, I was a bit weird. I was too friendly, too spiritual, too outgoing, too optimistic, too loud, too good at stuff (helloooo Law of Jante), talked too much, and was generally a bit different. In the group I was living with at “Option” I fit right in. Thus began a long journey into the depths of the belly of the beast called Spirituality or the “New Age” world. I felt really at home there at first and as I was on a quest for healing my past trauma I dove in headfirst. I tried almost every modality I could find. (You can find a mostly complete list of spiritual practices I’ve experimented with at the bottom of this article.)
A year after my time in the US, I moved to Costa Rica where I lived with a very religious (the dad) and spiritual (the mom) family who introduced me to raw food, fasting, Jesus/Yeshua, The Bible – specifically the Book of Revelation, Unity Church, Acupuncture, homeopathy, magnetic therapies, knowledge of Satanic Ritual Abuse and the Illuminati conspiracy, Metamorphic technique, among many other things. Yes, we kept busy. 😂
Diving deep into the Boulder spiritual world
I remember every time I would return to Sweden my friends and family would courteously ask about my latest diet, spiritual experience, etc. It was hard for them sometimes, and I don’t blame them. We didn’t always have the same point of reference and for my oldest sister who is very logical, an atheist, and likes reality without lacing it with magical aspects, it was difficult. Sometimes, when my ideas, beliefs, and stories would venture too far out into the New Age stratosphere, she’d ask me to stop sharing as it would get too scary for her. This sometimes frustrated me too, as I felt I could not be my full self with my family.
In 2011, a year after getting married to my husband, we relocated to Boulder, CO. As you can imagine, that didn’t make my life more conventional… Because I started working for a friend who was dating a local “healer celebrity” who was deep into the alternative scene, I was quickly introduced to all kinds of spiritual fringe experiences and people.
Again, I was on cloud nine. Only a few months into living there I tried Ayahuasca for the first time. Here’s a photo of me the day after. Yikes.
It truly was a life-changing experience*. That one journey took me years to integrate and I’m still learning from it, over a decade later. That was only one of MANY forays into New Age spirituality. And while I loved much of it, some of it felt forced, fake, culty, and sometimes even dangerous. Still, I kept accumulating beliefs without putting much thought into the whole picture. Did my belief in “asking the Universe” conflict with my belief in spirit guides, past lives, Astrology, or healing most anything with food (or my thoughts) – I couldn’t tell you, because I used my beliefs as a Swiss Army knife, I just pulled out whatever I needed in whatever moment I was in.
*This is not an endorsement to do plant medicine without CAREFUL consideration.
My skepticism increases
As shit was getting real in my life and I was gaining better boundaries and a deeper understanding of my spiritual path, I began to spot challenges with my chosen spiritual beliefs.
I remember sitting with one of my dear friends over coffee and her looking at me with pain in her eyes: ”-Karna, I so deeply want a partner in my life. And I’ve done so many things. I love myself more than ever, I’ve cleared out my closet to make room, I’ve done the “calling in the one” work and so much more, but I’m not finding a partner. What’s wrong with me!? There’s got to be something I’m missing or not doing right!”.
At that moment I felt such deep compassion for my friend. There she was; beautiful, smart, successful, kind, funny, loving, generous, AND, thinking she’s not enough. I remember my brain going: “-NO! There’s something amiss here! This is not how life works. And whoever is telling women this shit has to stop.” But of course, the “you just need to change your thoughts and everything will change” doesn’t end with dating. The same fundamental mindset shows up everywhere in the New Age world, especially – but not limited to – being successful, generating wealth and abundance, and healing physical ailments.
A common pitfall in spiritual circles: We do all the meditations, visualizations, practices, processes, healings, therapies, and still, we don’t have the outcome we desire. The only natural conclusion: I’M THE PROBLEM. I’m missing something, not doing it right, or doing something wrong. It’s almost impossible not to go there in some aspect or at some point.
When I started writing this article I remembered that I made a video of this very same issue back 6 years ago when I was pregnant with my first child. It’s amazing to see that once again, I’m talking about the same stuff as I was years ago. And the truth is, the last two-plus years have only intensified an already problematic situation.
It strikes me that the belief “I am the one to blame” perpetuates a core wound of the inner child who thinks THEY were the cause of the parents' divorce or whatever bad thing that happened to them. And now, spirituality (and religion) perpetuates the idea that we’re doing it wrong and need to be cleaner, more dedicated, less human, more transcendent.
5D won’t save us from pain
Deep in my core, I feel…
△ We are not in control here.
△ We can’t “do it right” and get a certain outcome.
△ We can’t positive think our way into Putin popping like a balloon and turning into a sparkly unicorn that we can ride into the sunset on.
△ We can’t outsmart Divine Timing.
△ We can’t smugly embody our sparkly new 5D selves and roll our eyes at the 3D mugglers.
△ We can’t ignore the intense grief that comes with war and just brush it off as “ascension pains”.
When we think we can, it seems to lead to a whole lot of spiritual bypassing and self-doubt, fear of life, and even adopting conspiracy-like beliefs.
With over two years of pandemic life under our belt and now the war in Ukraine, I feel and see the intensification of the “ascension” narrative being pushed to its edge. Just choose love and don’t worry about what’s going on “out there”, we can’t know the truth, and “there’s a bigger agenda here”.
Sure as fuck there’s an agenda – it’s called patriarchy, capitalism, earth exploitation, power and control games.
But to take it one step further and to think that “research” on the internet will provide us with true answers is probably one of the biggest problems we have in the Spiritual world right now.
Another problem is that most people are being corralled into taking in extreme information by algorithms and technology.
That coupled with listening to New Age gurus, channelers, entities, and teachers in all forms who spout narratives of “almost having arrived”, and “just keep ascending” or seemingly any plausible “download” that a) makes that spiritual teacher seem more powerful/all-knowing and b) will get them more likes, followers, or customers (aka money), seem to create the very thing they say they are trying to evolve away from – separation and fear. 3D vs 5D. Us vs Them.
Here’s a photo of me questioning Millenial “guru” Bentinho Massaro at one of his Boulder events.
Calling the BS card
“They” say:
“-The world has to crumble to that we may rise like a Phoenix from the ashes into a Five-dimensional world that’s pure, kind, and loving.”
“-I don’t fear death and ‘dropping the body’. I don’t fear anything anymore. This makes me Sovereign.”
“-Nothing is as it seems.”
BULLSHIT, I say.
As far as I can tell, from my short 38-year life and looking at human relationships and history, It’s way too simple of a story. My prediction is that none of us reading this will get to see a world where we’ve arrived anywhere really as a whole.
It will keep being messy AF because humans are messy.
But I “predict” that we WILL have a bunch of people (especially women) – who have untangled themself from the idea they have to “fix” themselves and have to go along with being nice and pretty and accommodating – who will liberate themselves on an INDIVIDUAL level who will collaborate with other liberated humans and co-create all sorts of disruption to the status quo and create justice for more people.
It’s happened many times before, and it will keep happening.
My HOPE is that someone spiritual will read this and say, yeah, I can see where I’ve fallen prey to adopting narratives that don’t really create the very things I say I want.
I’ll go first:
I, Karna, have gone down rabbit holes and thought I’d figured out the plan for this world and its people. I’ve been arrogant and prideful with my beliefs. I’ve thought I was better than others and tried to convince them I’m right. I’ve perpetuated spiritual narratives that have caused harm to those I love and made more mistakes on my spiritual journey than I can count.
Reminder from » 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful.
What I know
Let’s take out a piece of paper and go back to basics.
Are there thoughts, beliefs, and narratives I can hold a little less tightly in favor of just being me, of loving myself more as I am, and extending peace, love, kindness, and healthy boundaries to the people around me?
Does it really matter if I am 3D or 5D or 9D? Who’s to say who’s what or where?
What if I can exhale and just, you know, BE.
△ I know that humans are messy. Always have been and probably always will be.
△ I know that life is intrinsically good (because Love is the foundation of existence) and I can trust in the unfolding of my life.
△ I know that my job is to be myself and accept all parts of myself. Even the parts that are still learning to be love and know themselves as love.
△ I know that love speaks with a small and still voice from a place of peace. Love never points a finger and says “they are the problem”.
△ I know that love sometimes gets fiery fierce and fights for justice, but never from a place of “othering” and condemning. Just from a place of pure balancing of the scales.
△ I know that trying to control the chaos of the things that are crumbling now, the false safety many of us enjoyed, by adopting narratives that promise an ultimate villain (or a few villains) will never be the real medicine we need now.
△ I know that the only real medicine is to start by finding peace through facing and metabolizing the triggers I face as an individual.
△ I know that the medicine is probably in the simple: Nature. Laughter. Connection. Good food. Music. Dance. Writing. Crying. Finding a place where I can make a difference. Seeing where I already make a difference. Being witnessed. Ritual. Walking. Orgasms. Forgiveness. Hugs. In no particular order…
△ I know that we all need to be FIERCE with what we allow to enter our minds. It’s time to set some real solid boundaries with technology and social media.
△ I know that a true spiritual path can tolerate the believer to look at dissenting opinions and be open to learning from them.
△ I know that it’s important that we connect with our higher power, our guides, angels and practice our rituals. As long as it does NOT HARM other people.
△ I know it’s time to take stock and see if the beliefs and people I listen to are actually bringing about more of what I truly desire.
Closing words - meet me by the 🔥
We’re at a real crossroads. And I say it’s not too late to step back from the edge of the cliff. Let’s go back to the fire. Let’s sit down and break bread (I’ll even make it gluten-free for you!). Let’s sing and dance together and braid flower crowns. Let’s tell new stories. Let’s remember what truly matters. Let’s make room at the table for curiosity, tolerance of differences, kindness, and yes, healthy boundaries.
I’ll see you there!
What do you think of what’s happening in the spiritual communities you’re a part of? Let me know in the comments!
Much love,
Karna 💜
Resources:
📚 The Guru Papers by Joel Kramer
📚 Cultish by Amanda Montell
🎧 Conspirituality Podcast
🎧 Decoding the Gurus Podcast
Spiritual Practices I’ve Experienced:
Below is a mostly complete list of the Spiritual practices and experiences I’ve explored. I am including this list to illustrate how deeply involved I have been in the spiritual world and to hopefully lend some credibility to my questions and observations.
Training:
The Option Institute: Happiness is a Choice + Classes
Reiki I & II
Holistic Health Coach
Eating Psychology Coach
Psychology of Symptoms
Tantra Sacred Spot Massage Level I
Theta Level I
Access bars
Sessions/Experiences:
Abdominal massage/Shiatsu
Acupuncture
Acupressure
Amyon healing (From a healer named Alan)
Angel healing
Ayahuasca
Aura Cleansing
Auto-writing
Astrological reading
Aromatherapy/Essential Oils
Attitudinal Healing
Breathwork
Bars reactivation
Binaural beats computer healing - brain balancing
Crystal Bowl healing
Crystal healing
Color therapy
Charlotte - Psychic Healer and friend
Choe Cousins Healing - Crystal Merkaba Grid & Holographic Blueprint Templating
Cleaning family patterns with Rikka Zimmerman
Chiropractic
Chanting
Cleansing/fasting
Connecting with spirit guides
Cognitive Behavior Therapy
Connecting with nature spirits
Clearing Akashic Records
Cleansing hot springs
Chakra Cleansing
Cleansing out parasites
Channeling with Reio
DNA reconstructions
Drawing (Therapeutic)
Dolphin healing (with a healer, not the animal itself.)
Ecstatic dancing
EFT
Family Constellation
Feng Shui
Floating
Hydro colonics
Hypnosis
Healing Codes
Homeopathy
Journaling
Jesse I am (Healer)
Katrina - Spiritual Counseling
Kinesiology/Cranial Sacral - Micke/Dr. Rich
Laughter coaching
Lymph drainage massage
MDMA
Meditation & Mindfulness
Metamorphic Technique
Mia Kafkios (Healer)
Mushrooms
NLP - neuro linguistic programming
Non-Violent communication
Past life regression
Psychic readings - Maggan/NYC/etc etc
Prayer
QiGong
Reiki
Rob Wergin (Healer)
Rosen Method
Releasing entities
Rebirthing
Shaking
Shamanic Cleansing (By a well-recommended Shaman in Costa Rica)
Shamanic Sessions: Anne Drucker
Supplements
Sacred spot massage (Tantra)
Somatic Therapy
Sound healing
Tarot Readings
Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT)
Theta Healing
Tibetan Cranial Sacral
Tim Whild (Healer)
Totem animal connection
The Reconnection
Vision boards
Visualization
Voice dialog
Yoni Massage
Yoga (endless variations.)
Thanks so much for sharing all this, Karna! Your list of spiritual practices/experiences feels like a teaser for newsletters to come! I'm excited to keep reading!
Hi, Karna Thanks for another insightful article. I am not part of any spiritual community and don't intend to either. I believe that my true energies lie deep within me in a dormant form and I just need to make it active so that it can shield me from the physical stresses of the world. And believe it or not, 20 minutes of yogic meditation does the trick for me. I feel more connected with myself. Maybe it is only me, but it works.