A Guide for Men in Relationship with Women Navigating Big Shifts
If your partner is perimenopausal, spiritually sensitive, or going through other big life changes, this guide is for you
⭐️ To every man reading these words: I see you.⭐️
I honor your effort, love, and desire to support your partner during this time of profound change and growth. Being in a relationship with a woman navigating big shifts like perimenopause, spiritual awakening, loss, motherhood, or beginning the journey of deep self-advocacy can feel challenging and, at times, overwhelming. But you’re here, reading this, and that means everything.
I wrote this guide because I believe in the power of partnerships. When given the right tools and understanding, men can be extraordinary sources of strength and compassion for the women they love, just as my husband of 15 years has been for me. Did I mention we are from different countries and have a 20-year age gap?
This guide isn’t about blaming or pointing fingers; it’s about stepping into your deep well of power—empowering you to show up for your partner and yourself in ways that build connection, trust, and mutual growth.
This is an invitation to take action but also a call to your fierce heart. I hope that by the end of this guide, you’ll feel more equipped to support your partner and more connected to your own journey of growth and healing. The rewards of showing up with love, accountability, and understanding are immeasurable—for both of you. Let’s walk this path together because this shit ain’t easy for anyone.
I’ve tried to make this actionable by adding one practical tip and one question for reflection per section. I hope this will be helpful.
Acknowledging Societal Pressures on Men
Before diving into the steps for supporting your partner, let’s take a moment to recognize the challenges many men face. Does this sound resonant:
Society often expects men to suppress emotions, be strong, be providers, and have all the answers. These expectations can create immense pressure, making it harder to open up, connect, or even ask for help.
It’s okay to acknowledge that this work may initially feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar—you’re not alone in feeling this way.
By naming these pressures, we can begin to release their hold. Growth isn’t about rejecting who you are; it’s about expanding into the best version of yourself. When you allow yourself to feel, reflect, and seek support, you’re not just showing up for your partner—you’re showing up for yourself, too.
Practical Tip:
Take time to reflect on the societal messages you’ve internalized about masculinity. What do you want to keep, and what no longer serves you?
Reflective Question:
What expectations about being a man have shaped my behavior? How can I challenge these to better align with the partner, father, or friend I want to be?
Understanding Her World
For many women, navigating significant changes can feel like an emotional roller coaster. Perimenopause brings with it hormonal fluctuations that can affect mood, sleep, energy levels, and even memory. On top of that, there’s the invisible load—the constant mental checklist of family, work, and household responsibilities that many women shoulder. Pair this with a growing awareness of societal inequalities and the grief of unmet dreams or goals or past hurts left undigested that are now surfacing, and you have a recipe for overwhelm and women (rightfully) freaking the eff out.
Women at this stage often reevaluate what they’re willing to tolerate. They may set firmer boundaries, express long-held frustrations, or demand more equity in their relationships. These changes are not a rejection of you but a reflection of their growth and self-advocacy.
Let me tell you about the first time I swore at my husband six years into our marriage. It was over… tape. Yep, tape. He told me I’d used too much to wrap the presents, and I lost it. Not because of the tape, obviously, but because I was carrying so much mental and emotional weight trying to get Christmas “right” that his comment felt like the final straw. That moment forced us both to pause and ask, “What’s really going on here?” Spoiler: it wasn’t about the tape. It was about me feeling unseen and unsupported in ways that had nothing to do with presents. That was eight years ago; we’ve been learning and growing together ever since. One of the biggest reasons we’re still together when so many other couples we knew back then have divorced is his willingness to listen, do his inner work, and keep working on it. Even when the process sometimes feels like three steps forward and four steps back.
Practical Tip:
When she reacts strongly to something seemingly small, don’t take it personally. Instead, ask yourself, “What’s the bigger picture here? How can I support her?”
Reflective Question:
When was the last time I paused to truly consider what my partner might be carrying emotionally or mentally? How can I create space for her to share that with me?
Listening Without Defensiveness
Good communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship, but it’s not always easy—especially when emotions run high. Many men are raised to believe they need to fix problems or defend their actions, but in a partnership, listening is about connection, not solutions. When your partner opens up about her struggles, she’s not looking for you to solve them. She’s looking for you to understand her.
Listening without defensiveness can feel unnatural at first, especially if you’re used to jumping in with advice or explanations. But learning this skill can transform your relationship. It shows her that you value her perspective, even when it’s different from your own, and it creates a safe space for her to share more deeply.
I have countless friends whose partners often invalidate their experiences, saying things like, “That’s not what happened,” “Here we go again,” or “You’re overreacting/exaggerating.” She’s left feeling “crazy” and unheard, deepening their divide.
What she really needs is for him to say, “I hear you. That sounds super hard. How can I support you?”
Listen, I get that acknowledging her reality might feel like consenting to something you know is 100% not what’s happening and that it might feel like giving up an essential part of yourself.
If this is similar to how you feel, here’s my offering to you:
Your perspective IS VALID. But when you’re a woman who’s had to spend her whole life attuning to the needs and perspectives of others, especially men, and you’re learning to express your needs and viewpoints, being seen and validated by a man can have immense healing properties.
If you only knew that a few simple words can make your partner feel like she matters, makes sense, and is real and valuable. Maybe for the first time in her life. Trust me on this: Your presence and affirmation of her lived reality are MEDICINE.
Practical Tip:
Validate your partner in the moment. And later in the conversation, when she feels heard, or at a different time, ask her if she can sit and listen to your point of view. Odds are high that she is willing to do so after being heard. Or, if you truly understand how deep of a wound she’s healing and you want to be a real fucking hero: try listening to her and validating her perspective for a week or a month as an experiment and record how your relationship transforms.
Practice reflective listening: Try saying, “I hear that you’re feeling ___ because of ___. That sounds really hard.”
Reflective Question:
When my partner shares something hard, do I listen to understand or rush to defend myself or solve the problem? How can I shift toward understanding?
Here’s an article I wrote about Reflective Listening that might help:
The Art of Deep Listening
I look at my friend's face, as she shares her life and experiences, I let her voice flow over me like a wave. My body is calm and relaxed, yet my mind is alert and attentive. I let every inflection, detail, shift in energy, and nuance of volume and intensity tell a story that goes beyond her words. I’ve been told that we listen with our ears. But I know…
Respecting Her Boundaries
Boundaries are often misunderstood. They are not about shutting someone out or creating distance; they are about creating a space where both partners can feel safe and respected.
For women navigating big changes, boundaries are a way to protect their energy, prioritize their mental health, and reclaim a sense of autonomy.
When your partner sets a boundary, it might initially feel unfamiliar or even hurtful. You might think, “Why doesn’t she want to spend time with me?” or “What did I do wrong?” But it’s important to remember that boundaries are not about you—they’re about her. By respecting them, you show her you care about her well-being.
My perimenopausal sister recently told me, “I just can’t tolerate certain things anymore. I used to be able to ignore certain behaviors from my husband, but it’s like that part of me has disappeared. I simply have to voice my limits and set new boundaries about what I will and will not tolerate.” I celebrated this moment with her and acknowledged her; she was finally honoring her own limits. It’s a lesson many women are learning, and it’s not easy—but it’s necessary.
Practical Tips:
Empathy boost: Imagine suddenly having to go through puberty all over again, but this time, you had kids, a job, a household, and a thousand other things to manage! Can you see how vital your support is when your partner has to navigate this big transition? I thought you would because you’re smart like that.
When she sets a boundary, respond with, “Thank you for telling me what you need. How can I support you in this?”
Reflective Question:
How do I typically react when my partner sets a boundary? What might that reaction say about me?
👉 Here’s an excellent article about women and boundaries by Kendra Sand of SpellCast.
Expanding YOUR Support Network
Many women feel they’ve been their partner’s sole emotional support for too long. While it’s natural to lean on your partner, it’s also important to recognize that she can’t be your only source of emotional processing or growth. Expanding your support network can help you meet her where she is without placing all the weight on her shoulders.
This might look like connecting with other men committed to growth, joining a men’s group, seeking community resources, or working with a therapist. When you take the initiative to do your inner work, you show her you value the relationship enough to grow and evolve alongside her.
If there’s one thing you take from this article, may it be this:
It’s time for you to become self-aware of your patterns, take care of the hurt little boy inside you, and be brave enough to look at the places where you’re not taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Acknowledging that you have work to do (even if you don’t know how to change or where to begin) is a STRENGTH, not a weakness.
Practical Tip:
Start by finding one trusted person to share your challenges with—a friend, mentor, or therapist. Explore resources for men’s groups or online communities that emphasize accountability and growth.
Reflective Question:
Where can I turn for additional support in my journey? How can I take responsibility for my emotional growth?
Prioritizing Self-Care and Building Emotional Resilience
You need to be in a good place to be able to support someone else effectively. That means taking care of your physical health and building emotional resilience. When you’re well-rested, nourished, and emotionally grounded, you have more to give and are better equipped to handle the challenges of life and relationships.
Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. Prioritizing sleep, exercise, and a balanced diet can help you feel more energized and focused. Equally important is emotional self-care—practices like mindfulness, journaling, or therapy can help you process feelings, develop self-awareness, and approach your relationship with clarity and compassion.
I KNOW you may feel like there’s zero space for you in your life right now; if that’s you, I’m sorry. That must feel so lonely and painful. I hug you from afar. ❤️
Practical Tip:
Start small: Aim for 30 minutes of physical activity a few times a week or a consistent bedtime routine. Try mindfulness exercises like deep breathing or gratitude journaling to center yourself emotionally. A great app free app to use is called Insight Timer.
Reflective Question:
How am I currently taking care of my physical and emotional health? What’s one small change I can make this week to improve my well-being?
Partnership FTW
Before we wrap up, I want to take a moment to thank you for reading this guide. It means so much that you’re here, investing your time and energy into understanding your partner and growing alongside her. My heart is with you as you navigate these changes in your relationship and within yourself.
I would love to hear how this guide landed for you. What resonated? What felt challenging? And most importantly, what support do you need? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments—this is a space for connection and growth.
Exploring this together is not about blame or guilt (we are all struggling within these crumbling, stifling systems). This work is about recognizing that relationships grow strongest when both partners show up with love, accountability, and a willingness to learn.
She’s not asking for you to be perfect—just present.
By stepping up, you’re supporting her, strengthening the bond you share, and paving the way for a thriving partnership. If you have kids, you’re also showing them what a healthy partnership looks like. If you can’t do it for you, do it for them. ❤️
You’ve got this, and we need you!
Love,
Karna
PS. Check out my husband KB’s website if you want to connect with a solid dude on the path.
Ni är så vackra tillsammans!
So good! "Women at this stage often reevaluate what they’re willing to tolerate. They may set firmer boundaries, express long-held frustrations, or demand more equity in their relationships. These changes are not a rejection of you but a reflection of their growth and self-advocacy."