After last week’s article about (con)spirituality one thing kept coming up in the emails and comments in reaction to that: the power of beliefs!!
So to follow up on my call for a belief review in that article, here are my thoughts on how to change a limiting belief!
(If you’re a belief pro already, feel free to skip right to the step-by-step exercise!)
What are beliefs?
A belief is simply an idea or assumption that we believe to be true.
What is a limiting belief?
A limiting belief is an idea that you believe that is somehow is holding you back, making you feel bad, or causing you pain or fear.
What’s a core belief?
Beliefs are passed down in various ways but most insidiously:
From your parents or caregivers when you were a baby/small child
From your extended family
From culture
From religion and spirituality
From media influences
From school, curriculum, teachers, and peers
Of course, we form thousands of beliefs, but there are usually some beliefs that hold more power over us.
Core beliefs are our most deeply held assumptions about ourselves, the world, and others.
What are some examples of limiting beliefs?
📂 Work:
I will never find the kind of job I truly want. I’m not educated enough. I don’t know how to be myself in interviews. And even if I am myself that won’t be enough in today’s job market.
Core limiting belief: I am not enough and never will be.
🌹 Pleasure:
I can’t have vaginal orgasms with a partner. Everyone else is having them. There’s something wrong with me. I need to hide how damaged I am.
Core limiting belief: I’m fundamentally damaged with no ability to heal.
💰 Success:
Everyone else on social media has a bunch of followers and makes tons of money. I will never be good enough at marketing to get anywhere. I don’t know how to do this. I’m a loser. I’ll never be thin enough, talented enough, or interesting enough.
Core limiting belief: I’m not good enough and other people have something I don’t.
❤️ Relationships:
I don’t like how my partner treats me. I should be grateful that I have a partner. I give much more than I get, but I guess that’s just the way things are.
Core limiting belief: I am not worthy to be loved and treated with respect.
Why are beliefs important?
Beliefs are super important since most of our lives are dictated by our beliefs. Another factor that we sometimes forget is that many of our beliefs – if left made unexamined and unquestioned – stay lodged in our subconscious mind and run the show until we make ourselves conscious of them.
Pattern Spotting
Another way to think about beliefs is as “patterns”. Since the beliefs in our subconscious mind are always there directing our choices along the same paths they give rise to repeating experiences which we can call patterns. They are a super great way to spot beliefs. If you’ve found a pattern, you can start getting curious about what underlying beliefs are creating it.
What are triggers and how are they related to beliefs?
Another way to spot your beliefs is by paying attention to what situations and people trigger you. Once you’ve spotted a trigger, and you’ve processed the emotion the trigger evoked, you can explore any beliefs underneath the trigger. At first, you might track the trigger to a specific memory, and it might be helpful to investigate what conclusions you came to about life (beliefs) from that situation.
How does one change beliefs?
Ok, there are a million YouTube videos about this. A lot of white dudes teaching you how to change your beliefs in an instant. And I’ve had those miraculous moments where things just shift! And those moments are incredible. My experience tells me that often those “Aha! Click!” moments are actually results of a much longer journey of healing. And the reward for persisting with faith is the click. The moment when the knowledge drops from your head into your heart and you become more whole! And other times Grace steps in and delivers instantaneous healing.
What belief change is really all about
Before I go further and teach you how to change your beliefs I feel I need to touch on what going from a toxic belief to a healthy belief reaaaaally is about.
I believe it’s going from a lie to a truth.
It’s that simple.
Anything that you say about yourself that’s anything less than “I am whole, holy, love, and loved” simply ain’t the truth…
That’s why this process is so incredibly beautiful and rewarding.
You’re shedding the kryptonite you’ve swallowed that’s been holding you down and shifting into aligning with TRUTH. Which ultimately gives you power. And that’s not power OVER anyone or anything else, it’s simply a state of being that will allow you to move through life with more grace, peace, and joy!!
The caveat here is that the process itself of healing, cleaning, and rewiring yourself can be a pretty nasty business. It sometimes feels extremely confusing and painful.
Because until those new beliefs have taken root and grown mighty, chances are that you will feel pretty naked and scared. That’s why it’s good to have some solid support by your side when you embark on the limiting belief deconditioning process.
✍️ EXERCISE: How to change a limiting belief
That all being said, here’s a process for detoxing from limiting beliefs and replacing them with new, solid ones.
1️⃣ Time to get curious! Take out a piece of paper or open a note on your phone. Scan your life. Write down a list of challenges/beliefs that keeps reoccurring in your life that are holding you back the most.
2️⃣ Choose ONE. As we know from behavior science it’s important to allow yourself to start small. So look at your list and choose a belief that if you changed that specific one, it would have the overall biggest impact on your wellbeing.
3️⃣ Go deeper and have compassion: For the belief you’ve chosen, take some time to journal about when this belief started. When we form beliefs, it’s always for a good reason. Locate the memory (if you can’t remember a specific thing, no worries, just write what comes up) of when this belief originated. Truly acknowledge how the belief served your survival as a child. This is important » Letting go of any judgments you have around holding on to a belief helps to create space for a new one. Forgive yourself for picking up a limiting belief, it truly was the best thing your child self could do at the time.
4️⃣ Argue with the belief: Write down all the reasons your grown-up self can see that the old belief isn’t true. Show that part of yourself how damaging holding on to this belief has been. Share with that part how much it’s cost to hold on to the belief. Find all the evidence to show them that the old belief isn’t true.
5️⃣ Choose a new belief: It’s time to choose a belief that you want to replace the new belief. State your new loving, positive, empowering belief in I am formate. As in “I AM an abundant person who makes good financial decisions with ease”.
6️⃣ Why do you want the new belief: Again, from behavior science, we know that changes we make that have a strong connection to our identity are more likely to stick. In your journal or phone note, wrote down WHY it’s so important for you to change this and what kind of person would believe the new belief. Ask yourself: what kind of person would identify with the new belief you’ve chosen?
7️⃣ Activate your imaginative powers: It’s time to visualize yourself walking through life with your new belief. The more detail you can give this, the better. The subconscious mind loves images and this is a chance to anchor your new belief there. Imagine how you act, move, speak and FEEL as you walk through the world with this new belief. The more you can feel the feeling of this new state of being, the more powerful it will be!
8️⃣ Reinforce your new belief: Write down your new belief on a piece of paper and put it somewhere visible. A bathroom mirror is a great place. In the morning and evening, just as you wake up or go to bed, or brush your teeth, restate your new belief at least three times and feel those new feelings associated with the new belief.
9️⃣ Take action: Choose one small new habit that you will do each day that reinforces your new belief. If you pick one SMALL thing and do it every day, you are more likely to keep it up. (James Clear, author of Atomic Habits has a great free email course on habits that you can sign up for here.)
🔟 Notice changes: Every day, in your journal (or you can have a note on your phone that’s specifically for this), write down changes or shifts you notice in the area you chose to change. Nothing is too small to celebrate!!
♻️ Once one belief has stuck, you can do this process again with another limiting belief.
✅ PRO TIP:
We are often taught that any change we do has to be hard. It’s the legacy we carry from our ancestors who truly had it rough! But we don’t need to hold on to that anymore.
When you choose a new belief, I like to add HOW it will happen – in a positive and easeful format – and state the change as if it’s already happened. Like this…
Old belief: I’ll never get enough money to buy a house.
New belief: I am an abundant child of a powerful creator. Money comes to me with ease and from unexpected sources. I joyfully make smart choices with money. My new house is exactly what I dreamed it would be and I’m so grateful to live here.
Does this whole thing feel overwhelming right now?
Some of you reading this will already feel overwhelmed, simply by reading about a freaking 10 STEP process!! JEEZ! You barely have time to take a shower, let alone spend time actively changing your beliefs.
I understand and I’ve been there. I’m sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed right now. I assure you that you’re not alone and this too shall pass. But right now it’s hard. Big hugs to you.
🚀 For you here’s another path to changing your beliefs:
Take 7 minutes and watch my video at the top of this article and especially take note about trusting the process, just paying attention to your thoughts with acceptance, and celebrating small wins.
Find an “I AM” meditation you like on Spotify or YouTube and listen to it when you wake up and before going to bed.
That’s it.
Here’s one I like that my friend sent me.
OK, friends. That’s it for today.
(I’m sorry for the bad video quality. I’ll try to make it better next time!)
I want to know how you feel about changing beliefs. Let me know in the comments if you have any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions on belief healing!
Much love,
Karna 💜
What I’m up to this week…
Reading:
📗 A year in Provence by Peter Mayle (so soothing)
📘 Cultish by Amanda Montell (so disturbing yet powerful)
Listening to:
🎧 The Permission Podcast with Soshy Adelstein (so liberating)
🌱 The Nature of Money Podcast with Jennifer Love (so unique and transformative)
Drinking:
☕ Rasa coffee alternative (so calmly energizing)
🍑 Aqua ViTea Peach Kombucha (so refreshing)
Watching:
🕊️ Life After Death with Tyler Henry (so moving)
🏰 The Gilded Age (so satisfying)
🤣 That’s My Jam (SOOOO funny)
How DO you change a limiting belief?