If you haven’t guessed it already, parts of my early life were pretty traumatic. My home life was messy. I had complicated relationships with both my parents. And I didn’t want to be home. Pretty much ever.
When I started middle school, I made a new friend.
The Lindgren House
Anna was so funny. To this day I’ve never met anyone like her. Long legs and messy bun hair. Kind of loud. Wild in a playful way. And she was fucking smart too.
Anna’s parents, unlike mine, we’re married. And they had money, unlike mine. And lived in a nice neighborhood in a gorgeous house, unlike…yeah, you get the picture. I wanted to be in her house all the time. And Anna, being who she was, would often convince her parents to let me stay over. (They had the best food too! The fridge was always full of the good cheese.)
Then, there was her older brother, Erik. He was exactly the kind of big brother you dream of your friend having. Tall. Dark. Brooding. Funny!! He had a wide jokerish grin and his clothes always had holes in them. Classic banker dad, anarchist son, kind of thing.
Sometimes he would let us hang out with him while he played us vinyl records. We would go and “spisa skivor” (roughly translated to ‘consume records’) he called it. It was like being transported to another world. The dim basement with that crackle on the speakers right before the music started was my happy place. And my safe space.
Vinyl, MTV, and Mixtapes
Erik knew everything about music, I thought. And thus began an education in music that saved my soul. Or, at least helped me hold on to my soul long enough for me to begin my long healing journey.
He was adventurous in his taste… the records would range from The Jesus and Mary Chain, Kraftwerk, The Smiths, Ebba Grön, Johnny Cash, The Clash, Wu-Tang Clan, New York Dolls, David Bowie, Rolling Stones, Emmylou Harris, Neil Young, Joy Division, Belle and Sebastian, Ramones, Echo and the Bunnymen… and on and on - for years we listened to his LPs. (There were more obscure bands too, but those have faded from my memory.)
What I didn’t get from Erik, my sisters supplied via mixtapes (Lina) and CDs (Anna) slid into my hands when they were home from University: Roxy Music, Dolly Parton, Blondie, Nirvana, Dinosaur Jr., Marc Almond, Jeff Buckley, Metallica, The Cure, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Massive Attack, The White Stripes, and so many more.
Shout out to my parents since I also got some solid music from them: Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen, Dire Straights, and Swedish “cult” singer Kjell Höglund, to name a few.
Oops, I did it again…
When I wasn’t listening to Erik’s vinyl or Lina’s cassette tapes, MTV was constantly playing on the 13-inch TV in my bedroom. That is, until 10 pm, when my mom forced me to turn it off, and I would actually turn it waaaay down and sit with my ear glued to the speaker.
Growing up in the ’90s and ‘00s, the music pouring out from my tiny TV was bands like No Doubt, Spice Girls, La Bouche, Salt-N-Pepa, NKOTB, The Backstreet Boys, Madonna, ‘N Sync, Britney Spears, Christina Aguillera, Aqua, and the very strange Swedish band Rednex.
To my husband’s bewilderment, I can lip-synch to pretty much ANY pop hit from the 2000s. (You and me, we used to be together, every day together. Always….Now, here’s the story from A to Z, you wanna get with me you gotta listen carefully…Oops, I did it again. I made you believe, we’re more than just friends. Oh, baby…Am I original? (yeah) Am I the only one? (yeah). Am I sexual? (yeah). Am I everything you need? You better rock your body now!!).
Reflecting now on the music injected into my world by the older siblings in my life, I fear that without them, the soundtrack of my youth would have been an endless stream of mindless pop songs. Songs, that while fun to sing in the shower, would have failed miserably in speaking to the pain I carried every day as a dark secret in the pit of my stomach.
I’m so very grateful to the music that helped me jump from rock to rock in the raging river called my teen years.
The Playlist
In gratitude, I’ve put together a playlist to celebrate my lost youth, that lives on in these songs. I hope you will consider giving it a “spin”…
Inner Teen Healing
Here are some ways to find out if you could benefit from learning more about your “Inner Teen”. The below bullets are captured from Bethany Webster’s article How your inner teen perpetuates patriarchy and holds you back.
“Is Your Inner Teenager “At the Wheel”?
Do you have moments when you find yourself feeling trapped and overwhelmed and then, as a result, feeling intensely angry, reactive, agitated, moody, or “on edge?”
Do you experience moments when it feels impossible to stop negative thoughts?
Do you find yourself unexpectedly lashing out at people in your life?
This might sound like a strange question, but do you ever find yourself thinking - I hate people!”
If any (or all) of these sounds familiar, you could probably benefit from giving your inner teen some attention.
As I’ve been working with my inner teenager, listening to the music I loved back then has been instrumental in unlocking deep emotions that are now ready to come into the light. Music really is magical and so healing.
Now I want to hear from you…
What were some songs that helped you through your teen years? Let me know in the comments.
If I get enough song recommendations, I’ll make another playlist and link it here!
Much love,
Karna 💜
Listening now! This is so good. I'm gonna hang out with my inner teenager this weekend (and
I think mark needs a road trip with his).
Ironically in hindsight, Breaking My Habit by Linkin Park plus Californication by RHCP, Ooh Ahh by Grits, and Nothing in My Way by Keane ❤️🎧