Surrender.
Trust.
Presence.
Tapping into a Power bigger than myself.
These states of BEING were some of the biggest lessons I learned from birthing my children.
Regardless of whether you’ve birthed a child, a business, a book, or art – the lessons are similar, and there are cycles and levels that you have to go through. The process always asks a lot of you.
As I’m surveying the battlefield we call planet earth right now and taking stock of where we are collectively and individually, I’m being reminded to tap into the resources I cultivated during my children’s labors.
In my case, I was blessed to be able to give birth to my children naturally at home.
(Before going any further, I’d like to acknowledge that no two births are the same, and all are of equal value. In truth, you can’t compare births. But since women have been indoctrinated into constantly comparing themselves with others, it’s easy to slip into that pattern. But not today!)
What the ability to birth in my home afforded me was to be very present with the whole experience because I was alone for long parts. My second birth was smooth as a baby’s butt, and my midwife barely made it there, but the first one was where the REAL SURRENDER happened.
Giving up control
There really isn’t anything anyone can do to prepare oneself for the experience of growing a human, an organ (the placenta), and then pushing said human through a hole (the cervix) that first has to expand ten centimeters wide for the first time in your entire life.
The pain of the contractions and the transition of the head was so excruciating that I just wanted to disappear, run, or claw my eyes out.
In other words, a little bit like I’ve felt the past year…
What we are going through now is super duper challenging on so many levels. While one woman Dr. I watched on Facebook compared what we are going through as a “worldwide heart attack,” I’d like to compare it to giving birth.
You know, when I first heard the ideas around 2012 being the start of the Age of Aquarius and how the Devine Feminine was being reinstated here on earth, I really didn’t stop and think about what that would actually mean for the world itself. I was like, “ - Oooh! Divine Feminine! That sounds gorgeous and amazing”.
Because, looking at the world, I saw systems where men and male attributes and traditional traits were celebrated, prioritized, and rewarded while females (and other genders of course) were secondary, marginalized, and exploited.
In the patriarchal system, no one was winning. The dudes had (sometimes) been reduced to machines and robbed of their complexity, tenderness, and hearts. Women were (sometimes) carrying too much, contorted into small, shame and anxiety-ridden beings, and marginalized people were (always) hurt and hurting. No Bueno!
So yeah, I was down for the birth of Divine Feminine (or whatever you want to call it –the dismantling of a patriarchal system, a New Age, returning to Love, Ascension process, restoring justice…etc.) and was eager to see this energy embodied on earth.
But, of course, this would require the old system to evolve and change. And little did we know then that we’d find ourselves in a pandemic that would turn up the heat on everything and bring up our collective and personal fear-based programming on FULL DISPLAY. But in the context of “Love brings up anything unlike itself for the purpose of healing,” we are right on the money, baby.
Because, undoubtedly, the Love Revolution – the one where people learn to stop living in a fear-driven capitalist, consumer society is here. And now we have the opportunity to birth this new world together! The one where we actually care for the earth and each other.
We all have a part to play and an aspect to birth—some privately and some in our public work or expressions.
As we all know, once the birthing process has begun, you can’t really stop it. And it’s in full swing now!
I want to share 11 things that helped me while birthing my children that might be useful for you
These exact practices and mindsets are helping me at this glorious, painful, and transformative moment of my life, and maybe they will inspire you too.
I allowed myself to be where I was - that my process was OK and purposeful even though I didn’t understand it.
I connected deeply to my breath and kept returning to it repeatedly.
I deeply rested between contractions when there were moments of stillness, and I took advantage of those moments and stayed present in them.
I knew the pain had a purpose and didn’t make it wrong.
I trusted my intuition about what to do and what action to take.
I trusted that, in the end, I would have something invaluable that would make it all worth it.
I allowed it to suck. Really fucking suck.
I asked for help.
I surrounded myself with quality people with a track record of kindness and excellence.
I connected with the power of my ancestors.
I ate high-quality food and drank nourishing beverages. (Privilege!)
Finding Beauty in Tragedy
Realness moment.
As you know, all births don’t end happily.
Some labors are horrible and traumatic.
Sometimes the baby doesn’t make it.
Sometimes the mama doesn’t make it.
Sometimes the baby ends up in the NICU.
This is life. This can be devastating. This is part of the human experience.
The lies based on capitalist consumerism aren’t true. You can’t “get there” and be happy. You can’t own enough to make it forever. What happened in your life isn’t “your fault” for not being perfect enough. You can’t hate yourself into a life that feels good. Life isn’t “fair.” You don’t get to be in control. You don’t get to know what will happen. You can’t stop feeling your feelings sometimes. (You can stop identifying with them, though, I am getting that recently in moments!)
The truth is, sometimes it just hurts, and the pain never fully goes away. THAT’S OK. The way your life is OK. Gifts are hidden in everything, and sometimes they take a reaaaaaally long time to reveal themselves. I’m talking about generations sometimes. And Divine timing is a real thing.
What I’m saying is that I don’t think this is the time to try to escape or “change our state” or “think positive”. Rather it’s time to sink in deeper.
I feel it’s time to let ourselves be wholly and entirely tenderized by life – maybe even break a little – and to let LOVE take us and let the light seep in through those famous cracks.
What do you think? I’d love to hear from you.
Written with deep respect for the birthing process we are all in. I empathize with your challenges and cheer you on from my bedroom in the New Hampshire woods.
With tenderness for the people of the earth,
Karna 💜
PS. Phew! I have so many projects cooking right now, so many clients to serve, and my kids keep having to stay home. This is why I’m reposting this article from a year ago. You can read the original, including my daughter’s birth story, in the article below.
This is such a great summary of life on earth (as opposed to the stories we’re sold about how life is and how we should be. Thanks for this: “The lies based on capitalist consumerism aren’t true. You can’t “get there” and be happy. You can’t own enough to make it forever. What happened in your life isn’t “your fault” for not being perfect enough. You can’t hate yourself into a life that feels good. Life isn’t “fair.” You don’t get to be in control. You don’t get to know what will happen.”
WOW! You are such an incredible and powerful woman, mother, and business builder. You continue to amaze me!