Note: I meant to send this out on Tuesday, but my son got sick, and I just couldn’t do it. And today, I don’t have the energy to make this piece flow as well as I would like. Enjoy the imperfection! 💫
Oh, the joy of creating Christmas as a mom living far away from my family. I want my kids to experience the Swedish traditions even if they don’t live there. So I frantically try to remember the spice combo of my grandmother’s meatballs…
Then there’s the added work as an entrepreneur, wrapping up all client work for 2023 and setting things up for January.
All while choosing to take a break from my parents and renegotiate the relationships I want in my life. (Cue sadness, anger, confusion, uncomfortable clarity, grief, and relief.)
Did I mention I’m also helping my elderly neighbor who’s recently lost her husband and begrudgingly has to move into a retirement home? I’m grateful to get the opportunity to help, and it’s written on my heart that it’s mine to do. So I do it gladly. It’s still hard.
Pair this with grappling with the tragedy unfolding in Gaza and Israel, the war in Ukraine entering its 666th day, the growing Anti-semitism I see in many places, and Trump rallying around the corner and simultaneously becoming an American citizen.
Breathing with all of it while knowing I am so lucky and these are my chosen problems.
Feeling the pressure, I have found myself In a near-constant state of prayer – squeezing the invisible hand of the Holy Spirit, asking her to get me from this moment to the next.
Help. Please. Thank You.
Old Survival Strategies Gets Activated
As I’ve been confronted this month with all these things, my old survival tools have been flashing before me daily.
Just go on a diet, Karna. Your belly could stand to lose some pounds.
Let me try to be there for everyone all the time!
Just work more.
Make more money.
Work out more.
Distract myself.
Check out on my phone.
Mid-month, I could feel my engine (nervous system) revving up, like all those times in the past. Only this time, it was excruciating to go there after living in a more relaxed and present place, which I have this fall.
The realization hit me: I used to live like this ALL the time. Being in a heightened state was my “normal” - my baseline.
Looking around me. I wonder if other people feel this way.
I’ve been jealous of people with functional parents, who I see when I drop off my kids at the bus stop. My inner little girl feels very sad sometimes when she sees how seemingly warm and supportive the grandparents of my peers in our circle are.
Life has brought me to my knees this winter. Again. But this time, with new eyes to see and new ears to hear.
I can feel the human I’m becoming is breathtakingly honest and quite marvelous. 😊
A kind and fierce woman is being birthed amid all this chaos and pain.
I am looking back, seeing how my soul fragmented into a million pieces – a kaleidoscope of a Horcrux – realizing that I’ve painstakingly been reabsorbing these parts through the cleansing power of Divine Love, back into my body.
“It’s going to be worth it,” I whisper to myself over and over again when I’m brave enough to witness and hold another past trauma part.
Asking Ro Marlen to Help Me Embrace DeepWinter
Through December, I’ve been feeling a new sense of empowerment, and I realized I could write a new story this winter… that the power lies in my own hands, heart, and soul.
I asked myself: Who could possibly help me with this process?
I decided to call on wise woman, healer, and wisdom keeper Ro Marlen to join the Alignment Sanctuary and speak about the new moon and upcoming DeepWinter time I’ve heard her talk about. My heart and soul were longing for her wisdom. The fluttering inspiration feeling inside told me she had medicine for me. And frankly, the old ways of doing “Christmas” have made me sick.
Ro agreed to come and speak to the group, and in our time together, she shared:
“Between the Winter Solstice and the Perihelion (in the first days of January when the earth is closest to the sun) is the time of year when the veil between the physical and spiritual realms is thinnest and the spirits and energies of nature and the cosmos have more influence in the physical world than at other times.
This time allows us to more easily access information vital to expressing our soul purpose, clear what no longer fits, and receive direction for what is to come.
By its nature, the dark and stillness of this Solstice season draws us inward for reflection and rest.
Our culture of perfectionism and productivity calls us outward though, into holiday expectations and events.
Instead of tapping into the depths of insight and wonder that deep winter holds, we stay busy in hectic-ness.
In the European earth-honoring traditions, we were invited to follow the forces of nature and draw us back into creation’s gift for us in this time: The opportunity to hear more clearly the messages our Soul is longing for us to receive.“
My Longing Awakened
As I was listening to Ro, I could feel my deep longing for a different kind of Christmas break this year. My longing was two-fold: 1. to connect with the traditions of my ancestors and creation itself, nature and the land, and 2. to invite The Holy Spirit and Divine Love more deeply into my heart.
I’ve been walking very close to God this fall and have been intimately shown their love for us.
I sense an invitation to give myself up more, give up my need to control my life more and hand it over to the Divine unfolding as me.
Two things are helping me: Tuning into Nature and tuning into Christ.
The second part is already happening, but I know I need help turning inward this Yule Tide, and that’s why I’ve decided to join Ro in her simple yet profound offering, “The 12 Nights of Winter.”
🕯️ If this might resonate with you, I invite you to join me. It’s only $27!!!
(This is not a collaboration with Ro or an affiliate link; I just feel moved to share her work with more people.)
The first night of winter is December 24th, so there’s still time to join, and you can make your Solstice Altar any time.
If you think it’s too much to join a thing, here are other options.
Watch the Recording from The Alignment Sanctuary
I Invite You to Explore These Simple Journaling Questions
Embracing the Quiet of Winter: In what ways can I find beauty and peace in the stillness and quiet of winter? How can this period of external calm influence my internal world, helping me cultivate a sense of tranquility and restfulness – even if it feels counter-cultural and other people are making 2024 goals?
Listening to Your Soul's Wisdom: In the quiet of winter, how can I better listen to the subtle whispers of my soul? What is my inner wisdom guiding me to understand or embrace about myself and the unfolding of my life?
Learning from Nature's Pause: As nature slows down and takes a respite, what lessons can I learn about rest and rejuvenation from the winter landscape? How can implementing these lessons improve my well-being and perspective during the 12 days of deep winter?
Here Are 3 Things You Can Do to Nourish Yourself DeepWinter Style from Ro
Be outside: Take daily after-sunrise or before-sunset walks.
Warm beverage and candle practice: Sit in stillness with a candle and warm, fragrant beverage and slowly notice the room around you as you turn your gaze from side to side.
Share rhythm with others: Cook, puzzle, clean, dance, sing, walk, or do a project together.
🌲 How will you nourish yourself in the coming few weeks?
Let me know in the comments!
I send you many warm hugs and gentle snuggles,
Karna 💜
PS. Keep your eye out for a collaborative podcast episode I did with Klara Foldys of Starborn. It’s powerful!
Your imperfection is perfect and your reflections resonate so much with me. Here’s to near-constant prayer, embracing DeepWinter and going within, Ro Marlen and all her wisdom for us, finding the courage to live through the pain of creating boundaries with unhealthy parents, grieving the basic human necessities we never got to have, and daring to slow down and out of nervous system rev in whatever ways we can. Holy shit, being human is so intense. You do it well, my friend.
What a moving, inspiring, powerful, beautiful read! Your words felt like a warm hug, saying it's ok to feel all those wild things, those difficult things. It's really hitting me today – packing to leave for England for the first family Christmas in 5 years. The last years have been me alone at home, much loved silence, creativity, down time. It feels uneasy to go back to the loudness and business. A part of me wants to stay home, hide in bed, wait it out. Old patterns resurfacing. Panic creeping in. Deep breath. It's ok.
Thank you, Karna! And I can't wait to unleash that wonderful, fiery yet soft beauty of a podcast episode into the world very soon!